Treatise On the Ethics of the Express Line

Jet Toner

July 12, 2018

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Hi, my name is Jet Toner. I’d like this piece to remain anonymous. Thank you for respecting my privacy because I know while I am typing this up, those scums from the NSA are peering through the webcam on my laptop, watching my every move. It probably has something to do with all that information I’ve been sending those Russian spies about Donald… Never mind, I won’t get into that right now. (if you think that’s a good joke, keep it, has to be laugh out loud funny). Several of the founders over at The Fourth Quarter LLC have been begging me to write something here. They have even given me my own editor, you’ll find my notes throughout this composition, you can find him at:

Jack Scott Golub

985 7th Lane, Apartment 5828

New York, New York 94025

He’s definitely been dealing with the Russian spies – NSA, where’s my referral code? Anyway, I hope there’s more spelling errors in this word document then siri would know what to ducking do with (this is a joke about autocorrect always correcting fuck to duck, a play with siri on the iphone, it’s a joke the kids at home should like).

Anyway, some the higher ups at this well-established company are paying me a few nickels to give them some content that the people want. “The people want – I do” – Aristotle. Honestly, I think the name of this blog website could be better. It’s called the fourth quarter because they show what people are doing during the summer, but what they don’t understand is that there is literally a fourth quarter called the summer quarter. That’s why it’s a quarter system. So long story short, my “fourth quarter” consists of school that is in the summer quarter which could be referred to as the fourth quarter, athletics and an internship, They asked me to share a story.

Here is an anecdote from my summer:

a safeway just like the one I was at

I currently live very close to a Safeway. I go to said Safeway very often. In this Safeway there is a line, called the “Express Line.” For customers who are just purchasing 15 items or less. This line is typically fast, so that I am in and out of Safeway like a Indian food going through my digestive system. One night, I am standing in line picking up my usual Safeway Sushi LLC – which, might I add, is VERY good. Please do not sleep on the splendor that is Safeway sushi. So I’m standing behind this man, presumably in his 30s. And let me tell you a little bit about myself: I stand for justice, equality and Safeway. This man had the audacity to stand in the express lane with a basket that was WELL over the limit of items. The what looked to be 17 items in his basket blew me away. That someone would do that devastated me. So, as any real man would do, I turned to my lovely girlfriend and said as quietly as possible so he couldn’t possible hear it, “Looks like he has more than 15 items, you should do something about it.”

I wasn’t quiet enough. He turned around and asked, with a (adjective) look on his face, “Is there a problem?”

I looked at him, nodded towards his basket and shrugged “I mean…”

He shook his head and continued to checkout.

I hope that this altercation taught him the importance of the age-old quote: “Respect the law or keep checking your items out to slow everyone else down.” – Aristotle… this man chose the latter and his choices will come to light.

PS – Larry David, I know you’re reading this, I would like to give you full permission to use this in any of your TV Shows, you’re welcome

PPSS – Thank you Aristotle for the inspiration